Around my little finger...

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Originally uploaded by benro03.

About six months ago, my wife and I found ourselves on the entourage of TRM's Gunther & Kora. Working with them comes the duty of "Grace wrangling", which is keeping up with their daughter Grace (natch), while they do the slightly more serious duties of Royalty. Grace gets to sit with them during court, which is one of the more endearing things I've seen during my time in the SCA. So, this weekend is Meridian Grand Tournament where both they and we are daytripping, and I get to help with Grace as "She has him wrapped around her little finger". I am such a sucker for cute little girls which I guess comes from us wanting a child for so long.

For those of you who know us well, you know that we've been trying for a long time, ever since we were first married. For the longest time, the doctors kept saying it was on Barb's side, and I was fine. Well, last year we found out I was not. There was damage to a vein that carried blood out of my testes that made things a bit too warm down there. The urologist said that it probably happened when I was a teenager as it couldn't have happened until after puberty, but looked to have been a while ago. The good thing was that there was a surgery that could correct it, called a variceal ligation, which I had last July. Look it up and you'll see why I called it the reverse vasectomy. It took about an hour in out-patient surgery and I was home that afternoon (stoned out of my gourd). Nine months later, Barb was standing in the office downstairs, wordlessly holding out an EPT stick with a big purple plus sign on it.

Now, sometimes I may not show the enthusiasm that some may think I should be showing, but you only have to look how I behave around Grace to see that I am besotted with the idea of a child. Over the years, I have held back my feelings except to those very close to me, so I may seem "too serious" (an ex was told that I was too serious to be dating her and she replied that I am FAR from that, once she knew me she realized that I have a good, if warped, sense of humor) or just unconcerned. Right now, I am turning the ship that is my life into the wind for our son. I am making major changes which will become more apparent as Barb's due date gets closer. And once that happens, I will be able to relax some and enjoy being a dad. I the meantime, I have Grace to wrap me around her little finger, which is a great help.

I am very sad that my dad didn't make it to see this. I spoke to my grandmother (paternal) a while ago (who is tickled pink) and she told me that I was having the first Benson great grandson. The first. I thought about it and of all her grandsons (Me, Steve, King, and oh lord, I can't remember my cousin's name) only King has had kids and he had girls. I'm the first. I was the first grandchild and I'll be having the first grandson. Let me tell you, there is nothing like being able to call your grandmother and tell her that you are having a son. It is a wonderful feeling that I have never felt before.

And until January, I will have Grace to grab my yellow belt, pull me around, and call me her "doggie". Like I said, wrapped around her little finger.